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Majburi hai Bhai, Kya Karien!
If there is any truth to the recent grapevine, we hear that Sooraj Bore-jatya was recently spotted outside the office of Karan So-her's Har-ma Productions. It is believed that the duo met to discuss a script written by the former which he wished to release under the banner of the latter.
As someone who grew up in the 90's to movies from these two legends, I've always wondered what the storyline would look like if these two folklores collaborated for their next.
Although, one can never be sure of the actual outcome, just like the gender of Karan So-her (unless it is released or revealed), a sneak peek into the conversation between the two legends discussing perhaps the plot, is as under:
Disclaimer: Please excuse the occasional uninvited phone calls to Karan So-her (KS) from various directors seeking investment from Her-ma productions, during the narration by Sooraj Bore-jatya (SB).
"Radheshyam and Yash Raichand were childhood friends", SB begins narrating the plot to KS.
"Were? Are they no more?" KS exclaims!
"No, no... hold your horses KS. It's just the beginning" SB continues with the narration.
"Radheshyam is from a typical Indian family who as the supreme head with kindness running down his nervous system has managed to keep the lamp of Indian Sanskriti burning even as families in his own neighborhood are busy streaming Four shots more, Please! & Lust Stories on the OTT platform. Radheshyamji decided to remain a virgin for life, or atleast the viewers are made to believe so (initially) and assume the responsibility of raising Prem & Ganga, who lost their parents (close family aide of Radheshyam) at an early age, in a tragic accident. Despite all the surrounding turbulence that defy all Indian sensibilities, Ganga is raised as a young girl who grows up reciting aarties twice a day, preparing meals thrice a day and watching atleast four sops a day. This Ganga, unlike the Ganga of Khalnayak fame, is pavithra like the Holy Ganga with the only source of wickedness being the vamps from daily sops of Ekta Kapoor where every family has atleast one if not more. Prem, on the other hand is blessed with strong financial support unlike the million others of his age who are deprived of basic education for the want of money. Yet, he settles for an MBA due to his limited mental competency and is so far doing good in overseeing the family business of chip manufacturing which is now their primary source of wealth and occasional vacations in Europe."
"One would expect Radheshyam's life to be good, if not perfect with little to worry about. What is this you are up to Sooraj, a social awareness documentary?" KS says as he looks disinterested.
"Look KS, my audience is the middle class, my milk & paper vendor, my maid, my groceries supplier and my son's school teachers etc. It may sound like social awareness, but it's not" SB tries to calm down KS
Just as SB is about to continue, he is interrupted by a phone call to KS. It's apparently from Rakesh Lotion (RL)
"Hello Mr. Lotion, how are you doing?" KS says, as he answers the call.
Voice at the other end: "I'm fine Karan, thanks for enquiring. I just called to check if you would be interested in my next venture. I've even narrowed down on the title. It's called Kaho Naa Bekaar Hai."
"RL, but the name is so wired. Are you sure it's even got anything to do with the plot?" KS asks.
RL: "Yes, very much KS. See the story is about a hero who eventually turns out to be incapable of anything, as in anything at all, not even woo his lady, he just cannot, because it's not possible. I mean, who can understand this better than you KS? Hence the name"
KS: "So, you think this is funny Mr. Lotion. Sorry but I'm not interested"
KS disconnects the call in a fit of anger, but tries not to show it. "I'm sorry SB, let's get back to where you were."
SB pretends as if he didn't hear anything and continues.
"So, the biggest tension in Radheshyamji's life is planning the wedding of Ganga, who notwithstanding her Livpure upbringing, endorsed by none other than the God himself, is a Manglik and if this was not enough, she is also a patient of dementia (medical term for short term memory loss). So grim is Ganga's mental problem that she is often shown staring at Radheshyamji with a look as if she had seen him commit a heinous crime , but is just unable to fully recollect given her mental state."
"To elucidate what led to Ganga's short term memory loss, the story moves into flashback where Ganga and Prem are shown in their juvenile stage hopping and playing joyously in their courtyard, along with half a dozen more children, who presumably have now grown up only to find themselves in troubled & complex relationships like the ones in Shakun Khatra's next titled 'Gehraiyaan', which you have already funded KS"
"Yes, it was too late before I realized this mistake SB. If it wasn't for Deepika Sadhu-kaun, I would've never committed a penny in there. Anyway, you continue" sighs KS.
"Ok, so Radheshyam, Dindayal (Prem & Ganga's legitimate father) and Yash Raichand are shown as close friends, who met occasionally at Dindayal's mansion to enjoy the gajar ka halwa or the motichoor ke laddu, homemade by Lajwanti (Dindayal's legitimate wife and biological mother of Prem & Ganga). Yash Raichand, is the legal heir of a business tycoon who owns more Castles than the number of walls in an average Indian's home, flies private jet and gives away Maseratis and Lamborghinis as gifts. Yash, was young & was looking out for a suitable match or atleast we portray it so"
"In an unfortunate turn of events, Dindayal & his wife, Lajwanti meet with an accident and are both declared dead. Radheshyam & Yash Raichand perform the last rites and Radheshyam decides to take home Prem & Ganga to raise them up just as Dindayal & Lajwanti had wished."
"With Lajwanti no more to make gajar ka halwas and motichoor ke laddus, one would've expected the frequency of visits paid by Yash to decrease. But, in a twist of events, the opposite seems to have happened. The occasional visits became more frequent and Yash seemed to spend more time with Radheshyam raising eyebrows of everyone around, Prem & Ganga included."
Just when KS was about to interrupt SB here, his phone rang again. It was a call from Sanjay Rangeela Mawali (SRM).
KS: "Hello Sanjay, how are you?" KS answered the call with his usual greeting.
Voice on phone: "Hello Karan, so grateful of you to ask. I'm good. I know you are a busy man or whatever. So, without wasting too much of your precious time, let me get straight to my point. I thought it'd be great if you could be a part of my next project"
KS: "Thanks SRM for being clear about the value of my time while I ignore the rest of that statement. But I think you'd rather make a good interior designer than a good film maker, because you clearly cannot think beyond Deepika Sadhu-kaun & Run-veer (u) Stink. Hope you realize that people have long stopped watching your films after that blue film (Saawariya) you made more than a decade ago."
SRM: "Yes KS, I think you are somewhere right. Which is exactly why I have a totally different plot this time. Mind giving it an ear for a quick minute?"
KS: "Try your luck SRM"
SRM: "Oh thanks, so sick & tired of making period dramas featuring two opposite sexes, I'm planning to make a movie this time on same sexes. How about sequel of your blockbuster Dostana? Dostana 2"
KS: "I knew this was coming...sorry SRM, thanks, but can I call you later? Really got to go now"
The frustration of KS' face is pretty evident now. But that's what distinguishes a great man from the ordinary. OOPS, did I just say man? SB quietly thinks in his mind.
KS forgets what he was about to ask SB, so tells him to continue anyway.
SB, is a little tensed now, because he is not sure if he should continue narrating the rest or stand up and leave. He decides to give it a try. So he continues.
"So, as you can see, Yash visited Radheshyam more frequently and as days passed by, one only wondered if this was developing into a relationship like the one between Sameer Acharya (Abhishek Bachpan) & Kunal Chauhan (John Ab-reham kar) in, Dostana. Prem & Ganga always felt awkward with the way Radheshyam & Yash behaved, especially when no one was around them."
KS, starts to sense what SB is up to. But somehow, decides not to react until he is formally told about what otherwise seemed pretty evident by now. So he lets SB continue
"Ganga finally decides to enlighten her curiosity. She notices Radheshyam & Yash move together quietly into what she was told was a 'closed door meeting' to discuss sensitive business matters. She was perhaps too young to understand the need for closed door business meetings but the words 'closed doors' & 'sensitive' began to ring bells in her head given what she had been noticing in the last few months. She is quick to react and reaches the roof top which opened to pent roof of one of the windows of that 'closed door' room. She manages to climb down the pent roof and bows down to oversee the meeting go live. Minutes later, Prem is seen rushing Ganga on a stretcher to a hospital as she had had a fall from the pent roof which apparently was up 3 floors from the ground level. She had fallen on her head first and the doctors were reported to have said that while they would try to save her life, nothing could be said about her state of mind immediately."
KS gives SB a naughty smile and says, "I'm impressed SB. You are indeed a genius. Go on!"
SB meanwhile takes a deep breath and looks like he had just tamed a hungry tigress by his bare palms.
"After a few months of intense Medicare, Ganga is discharged from the hospital. But doctors confirm that she will continue to suffer from dementia (a mental state with short term memory loss) and may not remember things exactly the way she'd seen or heard. Yash & Radheshyam consider this as a blessing in disguise and decide to part ways immediately after Ganga is discharged. To this date, Ganga is trying to recollect what she'd seen from the window that day just before the fall. Meanwhile, Yash decides to relocate to one of his several inherited Castles in London and is not heard of until well, not very late."
"The flashback ends and Prem is re-introduced in his full adulthood driving cars on random pavements and hunting black bucks. The hardness of his physical attributes is however, inversely proportional to the softness of his inner soul. He often melts and gets emotional at the thought of Bhartiya Nari thinking of her as kisi ki bahu, beti and behen (cleverly ignoring the other possibilities as if they dint exist). Meanwhile, Yash Raichand is back in India but still not seen anywhere in the vicinity of Radheshyamji, fearing you know what. He, however stays with two children, Rohit and Pooja. Rohit, almost the same age as Prem, has just returned from London after his masters in psychology. Pooja on the other hand studied Engineering from the Imperial College of London and is currently studying Indian Culture at a local institute. She is ultra modern and is almost always seen in costumes like the ones only actresses on big screens wear for economic gains"
Just as KS recollects the biological capabilities of Yash and wonders who the real parents of Rohit & Pooja are, there's another call.
Voice on the call: "Hello, this is Aditya Chokra (AC). How are you Karan?"
KS: "Hey AC, I'm good. I know the only two occasions you call me, now that you have Rani Bhukkadji is either to humiliate me of my incapability or seek investment for your brother, Uday Chokra. But, let me tell you one thing, I'm paid more for preventing him from acting than you can possibly guarantee me by giving him another chance."
AC: "Haha, majburi hai bhai kya karein! So you are straight, but not so straight. But, if you have 2 minutes, I can summarize the plot. Who knows you may like it too."
KS: "I wish you knew what I have gone through already today. And if you weren't from the Chokra's, I would've given up by now. But since you are privileged, you can try"
AC: "Ok, so ever since Raj Aryan took over the Gurukul and renamed it as Guru-cool, his faith in the love, the one that he once vowed to die for, has shaken after he recently caught two boys make love in the hostel room and at once fired them. One of them, by the name Gaymunde (played by Uday) vows to make a comeback and fight Raj Aryan hoping to succeed just because Raj Aryan did, in the original version. Will he succeed? Will he find his lost love again? To know this, come, fall in love, but don't ask with whom!"
KS: "AC, I don't blame you for not warning you, but for the love of the lord, tell me that you are not serious. And let me be the way I'm."
KS disconnects the call in a fit of anger. SB gives a quick look at the venom in KS' eyes and continues.
"Prem, on his way to hunt for his prey, comes across some not so good guys ribbing and eve teasing Pooja who is on the way to her college. Prem crushes the rogues as if they were recycling waste and lends his shirt to Pooja which is big enough to cover her atleast twice as much as her original dress did. Pooja, who had been pinning for her love to come, immediately falls in love with Prem and stops wearing western outfits. She of course, wears only sari which personifies her as the typical Bhartiya Nari.
"Meanwhile, Radheshyamji is informed by his sources (actually an agent sent by Yash) of Rohit, for treating Ganga's dementia. Radheshyamji invites Rohit home to treat Ganga, who instantly falls for him. The doctor and patient are left alone in a room for some serious diagnosis and consultation. So profound is Ganga's love for Rohit, that she whispers in a low tone, with her downcast eye to Rohit - "Suniye ji, why did you agree to come here and treat me?"
Rohit, who had excelled in academics all his life, never feared public speech and even treated some serious cases of retards, is left numb at this question from Ganga. All he could manage to say is this:
Majburi hai bhai, kya karein!"
Just as KS tries to control is laughter on hearing Rohit's reply, his phone rings again. It's a call from Blow-it Shetty. With so many questions from this plot already lingering in his mind, he decides to disconnect the call even without answering it.
Will Rohit and Ganga tie the Knot? Will Pooja convince Radheshyamji to accept her as their ghar ki bahu? Who are Rohit's & Pooja's biological parents anyway? Will Yash & Radheshyamji meet again, and more importantly, meet alone again? Will Ganga ever be able to regain memory of what she had seen that day?
For all this, watch "Majburi hai Bhai, kya karien!"
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